I have no idea what’s going on

NaNoWriMo was an unmitigated disaster.  Last year was bad, what with jury duty and all, but this year was really something else.  I mean, this election… the fuck were people thinking? Not conducive to a productive writing session.

On a more personal note, I had a disability hearing on the 22nd.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with my brain, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder. Those are just the ones I know of.  It makes me unable to function in a competitive work environment.

I originally filed for disability 10 years ago, but the system doesn’t really understand mental illness and the previous judges felt I was too young to “retire.” I’m hopeful that I’ll get good news in a month or two, but who knows?

Anyway, I did really poorly during this year’s writing contest.  Really, really poorly.  Like, less than four digits poorly.  Writing on the tablet is awkward, I need a keyboard and mouse to get in the groove.  And definitely to edit.  I know, I know, NaNoWriMo is supposed to be an edit-free zone, but I need to fix Book One before I make any more progress on Book Two.

I saw a program online that offered free laptops to people in dire straits, but I couldn’t bring myself to fill out the request.  What happens when I get someone else’s refurbished computer only to start receiving SSDI/SSI checks the next day?  I’ll feel like an asshole for taking up resources that someone else actually needed, that’s what.

So I wait.  I browse cheap homes that my back-pay could provide a down payment for, I scan the local animal shelter for cats, and I let what little talent I have for writing atrophy while I watch our next president take a chainsaw to our society and international relations.

2017 had better be fucking amazing.

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